please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
