Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
