guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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