Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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