It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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