Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
