I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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