they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
