One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
