Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize