Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
