I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need a beard to bite.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
