I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
