is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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