Someone shit on the floor
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize