Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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