i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
