I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
