At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
