I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
