My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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