ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
