I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
where does the pee come out of this thing
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize