She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we're so committed to being not committed
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