you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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