I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
