you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
