Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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