the condom got lost in my hair
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
