If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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