it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
