Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize