Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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