Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
