So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
