I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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