Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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