that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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