I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
