I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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