I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize