Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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