did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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