ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize