I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
