So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
