Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
