i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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