i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
