Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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