Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
pray to the hookup gods
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
