What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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