can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
