I wish I could teleport
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
