quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
