also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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