Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
