He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
