This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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