Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
