Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
