VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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