My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
4 words: hood of his car
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize