If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
