I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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